It’s time to undo the damage and try salvaging anything you can.
No matter how short lived it was, being unfaithful has a devastating impact on even the strongest of relationships. The feelings of guilt, remorse, self hate are too strong to even think of continuing the relationship but instead of ending the relationship in the heat of the moment and regretting it later, here are a few ways to help you rebuild your relationship after cheating:
10. Take responsibility
Okay so you messed up.. it was a one time thing (I hope it was *eye roll*).. The first step towards cleaning up your mess is to acknowledge that it is your mess! Accept your mistake, don’t hurt your partner more by making excuses and trying to justify yourself. Be willing to be accountable for your mistakes.
9. Give your partner some time to cool off
They’re angry, they’re hurt, if they’re me they want to rip your head off. Give your partner some time to calm down, let them cry it out, scream, hit whatever. No discussion is going to make sense to them at this time. So, give them a little space.
8. Ditch the escapist attitude
The cat is out of the bag.. what now? Avoid all communication from your partner? Let things be? No. You can’t run, escape or hide from your problems… Well, you can for a while but that will never solve anything. Instead of carrying a ghost around.. face it. Stop seeing infidelity as a relationship death sentence. Be willing to fix the damage and communication is the key. Prepare yourself to talk about, discuss it, repair it.
7. Get to the root of the problem
Ask yourself WHY? Why did you cheat in the first place… Was your relationship with your partner going through a rough patch? Are you emotionally unavailable to each other? Or was it just bad judgment (read sexual attraction)? Whatever the reason was, it is very important to figure it out to avoid something similar happening in the future and to get complete happiness from your partner. Once, you have the reason the next step is to eliminate the reason. Make the necessary changes.
6. Shut the other person out
This is the most important step towards repairing your relationship after infidelity, you might even hurt the other person in the process but you can never gain your partner’s complete trust if you keep seeing that person. Also, it’ll be hard for you to move on if you are emotionally involved with that person but you can never recommit to your partner if you still have your eyes on the other person (literally and figuratively). Delete their number, delete them from all social networks, change your work space, leave the planet if you have to… That’s how important it is.
5. Be patient
Don’t expect your partner to just get over it. Every person has a different coping mechanism, honor the other person’s timetable. Healing is always a slow process and cheating is something which should be added to the deadly sins. A breach in loyalty can be tough to deal with, so both of you need to work on it. According to experts it takes at least a year for someone to trust you again. Try your best to gain their trust, understand their situation, don’t try to rush things. It will only cause frustration and you will end up giving up on your relationship.
4. Honesty. Honesty. Honesty.
Be honest to yourself and your partner. You’ve lied to them enough. Be open and honest about your feelings, about the affair, about your relationship. If your partner has a question, no matter how uncomfortable you feel answering it, it is best to answer it truthfully. Avoiding it will only make your partner think about it more, don’t even think of lying about it. This applies to your current situation as well your future. Honesty never goes out of fashion, trust me.
3. Put the past in the past
After all of the above steps, once you’ve talked, discussed and answered all the questions you’re now on the road towards recovery, this is going to be one bumpy ride but once you have started working on the relationship talk about the affair as less as possible or not at all. The more you guys talk about it, more you’ll dwell on it. So just move on and set a fresh focus each other.
Both people in the relationship should be committed towards building their relationship, Remember time does heal all wounds, but only if you know what to do with that time. Refresh your love towards each other, give it your all just like you used to do during the honeymoon period. Spend more time with each other, understand the needs, take a vacation if need be.
1. Professional Help
Couples Therapy or a marriage education class can really help you get your relationship back on track. It might even accelerate the healing process. That’s about it for this one, I hope things get better between the two of you. Bad things happen, we are human, we make mistakes. Fixing those mistakes is more important.